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Unless he’s got debts that no honest man can pay, Andy Reid going to Kansas City is a mistake.  Granted, it makes more sense than him going to Arizona, but not by much.  When I heard that rumor yesterday (Reid to AZ), I thought he must be the kind of guy that just needs to stand up and admire what he’s done in the bathroom because if not, then why else would he want to go out to the middle of the desert and inherit that atrocious clogged toilet-like Kolb-Skelton-Lindley QB situation unless he truly believes he can salvage something out of Kolb?  (thus the bathroom analogy comes full circle)

Reid to KC isn’t much better.  The greatest trick Charlie Weis ever pulled was to convince us that Brady Quinn was a NFL QB.  Belichek’s doing the same with Matt Cassel is right up there as well.  In fact, the only reason the KC situation is marginally better is because they happen to play in the AFC version of the west instead of the NFC.  The Peyton Manning led reign in Denver will be shorter (due simply to the fact that he’s 37) than what is brewing out west between San Francisco and Seattle on the NFC side.

Andy Reid’s resume should dictate that he has the luxury of getting to choose his next job and not the other way around.  I’m not saying it will, I am saying it should.  Why would he want to take on a project like KC?  The Chiefs are years away from contending and i doubt they have their starting 2013 QB on their roster yet.  This draft isn’t QB heavy.  Forget about Luck, RGIII and Wilson, there’t not a Tannehill or even a Weeden out there.   So if you’re an NFL team out there looking for a new starting quarterback, like KC and AZ,  you  are going to have to find one from within the NFL.

Who does that leave available?  Alex Smith?  Is he really going to be the centerpiece that you build a Super Bowl around?  A potential reunion with Vick, a trade for Sanchez perhaps?  If I’m Andy Reid, I want no part of those problems.  Romo?  With the lack of better options, I doubt Dallas lets him become available despite his continual disappointment.  Make a trade for a guy like Matt Flynn?  Maybe, but why would Andy Reid want to gamble on a career backup when he could go to a team that has a legit starting NFL franchise quarterback already on its roster?

If I’m Andy Reid, there is only one team I would coach for in 2013 and its San Diego or bust.  Of the seven overall vacancies (only six of which are available to Reid) the Chargers is far and away the most desirable for a coach of his stature.  At this stage of his career Reid doesn’t need a new project, he needs to win.  He needs to find a team with talent (and by talent I mean a legit NFL QB),  fix whats broken, get to the playoffs and hopefully win the Super Bowl.  Simply put, San Diego’s QB situation is the most desirable and their conference is the most winnable, sold.

If I were Reid and did not get the SD job, then I’d follow Jeff Fisher’s example and go away to come back.  Like Reid, Fisher never won a Super Bowl but lost one  and at the time of his firing was the were the longest current tenured NFL head coach.  Fisher sat out, let teams come to him, bided his time and when he was ready and/or the right opportunity came along (St Louis) he took it.  Point being it was on his terms.

I know Andy Reid probably desires to resume his NFL head coaching career right away to prove the Eagles wrong for firing him and out of overall pride as well, but he should make sure he returns to the right opportunity.  There is nothing wrong with taking a year or two off, maybe get fat (well fatter) on of some easy TV money while you let the teams come to you.

In the words of Han Solo, “Boba Fett?  Boba Fett where?!” ( I know that quote is not relevant but for some reason its stuck in my head)

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Phantom Menace 3D Review #starwars #phantommenace #episodeI #awesome

So today i finally got around to seeing The Phantom Menace 3D and i gotta say that I was pleasantly surprised by it. It was already, unquestionably, the best of the new trilogy and the 3D effect only makes it better (for the most part).  Seeing the words “Star Wars” shoot across the screen in 3D, as well as the iconic opening crawl, sets the tone right away and gives even the most cynical of fans goosebumps.  I liken it to seeing it the way it was meant to be seen.  The added depth and perspective/perception of the 3D technology almost fully immerses you into these strange, beautiful exotic new worlds that The Phantom Menace takes us too.  A phenomena that i contend would be more significant without  the incessant crinkle-crinkling and other sounds of mass consumption associated with movie theatres there to distract us.

The 3D makes the mediocre or nondescript parts of the movie good and the good parts even better.  But unfortunately it can’t do anything for the awful parts, mainly Jar-Jar Binks, and i found the opposite actually becomes true.  It makes the already bad worse because they stand out more and are thus more disappointing. To me Jar Jar Binks stills seems like he was made up by the worlds more creative autistic 3rd grader.  I wanna say to him, “nice try kid, i’m sure you’ll do better the next time.”  At one point I realized that i’d completely stopped paying attention to the movie and i was fantasizing about kicking him (JJB) in the nuts instead. Hearing kids, and even a few adults, actually laughing at his awful obvious gags made me angry to the point that I wanted to punch the adults right in their stupid faces and scream “YOU”RE RAISING CHILDREN THAT SUCK!” at them.

About 45 mins into the movie i realized that i had to pee.  Now normally, I’d hold it. I’d hold it as long as humanly possible and then some so that I A., wouldnt miss anything, and B., didn’t disturb anyone else.  But i realized that i didnt feel like doing that.  So i said to the wife “I’m going to take a leak cuz i know the next 10 mins (of the movie) are going to suck” and rationalized doing  it by saying to myself “If you mothereffer’s can laugh at Jar Jar, then i can walk across the theatre to take a wizz.”

Funny story about that, in the bathroom i laughed aloud when an Indian dude gave me a look like i was his worst case scenario personified while he was contemplating on whether or not to take his daughter into the mens room.

Darth Maul’s first appearance still gives you excited chills and he’s def hands down the most awesomest part of the new trilogy.  It’s worth the price of admission just to see him on the big screen again.  I found myself chanting his name over and over (in my head) in anticipation of his fight with Qui-Gon on Tatooine.  It also reminds you how awesome Liam Neeson is, def the second best character in the newbies.

All in all, even though i was apprehensive to throw down more money to see a movie i’ve paid to see 11x already  i am glad  i did. The 3D technology really does add a depth/texture/warmth that the original version was missing.  It makes the unspectacular or nondescript scenes much more vibrant and entertaining without detracting from anything in any way and is a must see for Star Wars fans of any level.

Below are some more thoughts/observations.

-Note to parents: It’s not ok to let your stupid kids wear sneakers with blinking lights to the movies.   I’ll spare you the violent details of the things i wanted to do to them (the parents that is, not the kids).

-I still say the most important lesson Episode I teaches us is “No pod is worth two slaves, not by a longshot.”

-Speaking of Watto, he was all the comic relief the movie needed.  He was terribly-awful in a humorous way.  “Aah yes, Nubian.” I still quote that line.

-When Obi-Wan says to Qui-Gon “Why do I get the feeling that we’ve picked up another pathetic life form?” in regards to Anakin, i said to myself  “well that’s not very Jedi-like of him.” And i was instantly reminded of the first thing my Dad said after seeing the new movies, and i quote, “maybe if Obi-Wan wasn’t such a prick there wouldn’ta  been a Darth Vader.”

-I found myself cheering for the Droid Army to slaughter as many gungans as possible during the Battle of Naboo.

-The 3D graphics give CGI characters like Nute Gunray a realistic texture that makes them more believable then characters played by actual humans, like Hugh Quarshie aka Captain Panaka.

-BTW how lame was Queen Amidala’s “Royal Guard” anyway?  She was the only one of them that could shoot straight.

-I know this might fall under the category of nit-picking, but two things: 1 How come R2 knows more about pod racing then C3PO when R2 just got to Tatooine but he (3P0) was from there? 2, Where was Obi-Wan’s super Jedi speed when Qui-Gon was taking Darth Maul 1 on 1 on Naboo? ( Like when he was running away from the Droidekas earlier in the movie?)

-Who’s cameo was awesomer, Warrick Davis or Bib Fortuna? (I vote for Willow)

-I found myself snarling at the screen when Jar-jar ruins R2D2’s first scene because he has to bump into him.  Alternatively I found myself grinning like an idiot when i heard “Duel of the Fates” start.

-The Trade Federation are still unmistakably obviously supposed to be Asians.

-On a personal note, it was nice to be able to fit comfortably in the movie chair. If you’re 325+ do yourself a favor and lose some of the weight, it really does make a big difference. Don’t think of big numbers and get intimidated, set real world goals for yourself like being able to sit comfortably at the movies for instance and take it from there .  My next one is to be able to be able to fit nicely in an airplane seat for my buddy’s wedding out in Colorado.

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L.O.T.R. Return of the King

The other day I was watching T.R.O.T.K. and noticed that this orc bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Darth Maul.  Given the fact that the first words to appear before every Star Wars movie are ” A long time ago…”, is it possible that before Darth Maul became the baddest motherfucker in the galaxy he made his bones on Middle Earth as one of the Dark Lord Sauron’s minions?  I say it is, even a Sith has to start somewhere. That “For Frodo!” line still gets me every time.Image




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